Once again I find myself in that half empty, almost brain dead insomniatic state of mind. Tonight I didn't sleep because I had gotten up relatively late, and I had some things I wanted to get done before sun-up.
It seems that over the years my brain has decided that it wanted to function on 36 hours+ a day. I'm not really sure how it happened. Stimulant ADHD medication can keep you up all night, but my whole life I've never really had all that much use for sleep, and I've always functioned better at night, soo.... maybe this is just the way I'm supposed to function. Unfortunately, it does limit what kind of regular schedule I can keep, but on the otherhand it is technically a disability, and I could Social Security for it, but I want to succeed on my own. To sum it I'm torn between day and night, but that seems to be a recurring theme in my life.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
A One Man Island is Very Lonely
Today has been a strange day; constant déjà vu, the persistent kind that plagued me over the last few years. It's weird how today of all days everyone decided that they wanted me to be a part of their lives. I realized a long time ago that I couldn't exist completely own my own. I need social interaction to survive.
So I guess today is the day that I decide that I'm finally strong enough to do what I have to do. I just can't do it alone.
So I guess today is the day that I decide that I'm finally strong enough to do what I have to do. I just can't do it alone.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Unsaid Words Spoken with Music: Pain, Rain, Teardrops and Love
Pain/Rain and Needing/Getting
On one hand, after the long dry summer and the crazy weather that comes with the monsoon season, the cold steady rains of winter are a nice change of pace and are the reason I like life in these desert valleys. On the other, I hate the aches and pains that comes with the cold winds that blow in across the wash I live against. Every joint hurts in my body on days like these, but I insist on pushing myself. It seems the additional pain that comes each winter always finds a way to motivate me.
In the summer I often find myself escaping the harsh inferno of the mid-day sun by just avoiding it. I find relief from the blow dryer heat of June by sleeping all day and staying up all night. Unfortunately in a city like this that shuts down at 10pm, it leaves you little to do at midnight.
When the thunderclouds and lightning storms blow in, they bring in with them an unbearable level of humidity. You wake up and it's ninety degrees fahrenheit by ten in the morning. Ominous, billowing storm clouds build up over the mountains surrounding this valley, and bring in a spectacular light show. The cold, fat drops of rain quench the life around me, and at times my soul.
When the light shows are over the weather falls into a pattern of drying heat during the day and blistering cold nights. The constellation Orion become visible again in the sky after the days get shorter and shorter after the Autumnal Equinox. In my nightly meditations, I often find myself contemplating that stars themselves are a good example of the illusionary nature of reality. How fitting that I find a mirage here in the desert, but it's ironic that I find it not under the scorching noon day's sun, but under a clear night's sky.
Finding motivation when you are suffering from pain with no clear end in sight can be very difficult. It's like trying to put out the raging nuclear inferno that we call the sun out with a single teardrop.
How do I find motivation to keep going on when faced with what seems like impossible odds? I look inside me and find what has motivated me in the past. I know that I need to stop talking about it and just start making changes
I've been hurt a lot in the past, but I don't want to leave myself high and dry anymore. I'm still waiting for something to happen, but I know that I can't do that anymore if I want everything in my life to be in it's right place. I know that if mankind at a whole is capable of putting a man on the moon, I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind on. Right now my mind is set of getting past all the things that have tied me down over the years and prevented me from succeeding. I know I can't keep saying what I'm going to do anymore. I know the prayers I say to myself don't matter if I am not sincere in my beliefs. I am not the pretender anymore. I can't eat Chop Suey whenever I feel like there's too much pressure on me at this point now, and I'm not content with being a mindless zombie like a good portion of people these days.
Along with rain and pain, the cold winter rains and winds bring a fresh insight that allows me to see the truth of what my reality really is. No more little talks telling everyone what I'm going to do. No more madness, just clarity and insight. The little lion man is leaving the cave and finally do what I want; go around the world, and make life a little less about finding the truth and all the knowledge in the universe, and making it more about the pursuit of happiness. No more being a flake. No more letting my brain stew on a cocktail of low self-esteem, jaded memories and insomnia.
Done thinking about whatsername, I'm not the Jesus of suburbia. The world I imagine could be a great place, but if the kids aren't alright that future will never happen, and if it does it'll be a terrible place. At this point I'm rambling, but I know that I am close to finding answers and peace within myself. It all comes down to breaking the habit tonight. I know that sometimes I'm better off skipping being tongue tied by saying nothing at all.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Story Through Music. #1
"The Pretender"
For a long time I've had this madness,
Day and night I keep trying to change, but no matter what
I feel like a total creep and whenever I try to tell people this story,
it feels like no one believes me.
I understand I used to be pretty Crazy
maybe that's why I always feel like I've been left high and dry
For a long time I've had this madness,
Day and night I keep trying to change, but no matter what
I feel like a total creep and whenever I try to tell people this story,
it feels like no one believes me.
I understand I used to be pretty Crazy
maybe that's why I always feel like I've been left high and dry
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Headphones and Showerheads
Being tall is fantastic, but it does have it's disadvantages. One of the primary disadvantages is showerheads. Have you ever had to duck every time you wanted to take a shower because the showerhead is awkwardly at just below nipple height? Well, if you're not 6'5 or above, you have not had to deal with the minor inconvenience and awkwardness that is taking a show... Wait, that really doesn't happen too often to be honest. The only time that has happened was that time I was in San Francisco, and the other shower was even worse.... That's totally besides the point, those kind of things aren't minor inconveniences, they make every day living a pain in the ass. I'd rather have a shower that I can stand under than have to duck or sit on the floor of your nasty, hair covered bathtub. Have you ever had to make the decision when you are taking a bath of having your legs completely underwater (sitting), or having your torso completely submerged with your legs flailing in the cold air? I doubt you have random possible short person on the internet reading this. I bet you finding clothes that fit you to be pretty easy and convenient, don't you random internet short person?
All of this is very inconvenient, and right now I'm seething with .... well, I'm not really annoyed anymore, now that I've gotten dressed and I'm complaining about it on the internet. I'm not even really sure what headphones have to do with any of this, other than that headphones generally have just a little too short of cables, which is also, mildly annoying. Oh, that's it! Being tall is usually mildly annoying. Most of the time.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Brining OR Don't Leave Me(at) High and Dry
I think we all know the disappoint that comes with a dry bland turkey. You feel bad for Grandma, she's been making turkey with the same recipe for 30 years, but no one has had the courage to tell her that her turkey is a dry, tasteless, death trap. Turkey should not require gravy to be edible.
I could get into a whole debate involving cooking methods, but I'd rather talk about a solution to that problem. That solution to our problem with dry meat is a brine. Brining is a process somewhere in between marinating, and curing/preserving.
Brining makes meat moister primarily by introducing water into the cells of the muscle tissue. The brine surrounding the meat has a higher concentration of salt than the fluid within the cells of the meat, while the meat has a higher level of other solutes. The salt in the brine defuses into the cell of the meat, while the solutes inside can not escape due the cell membrane. Increased salinity in the meat forces the cells to absorb more water via osmosis. Once the meat and brine have reached a state of equilibrium, whatever else is in the brine can freely enter into the meat, introducing flavour where you couldn't otherwise. In addition, the salt (and whatever acids you may add to your brine) denature the protein, which tenderizes the meat, and allows the meat to retain more moisture. The denaturing process coagulates the proteins, forming a matrix that traps water (and flavour!) inside of the meat.
On the most basic level, a brine is obviously just salt water. In the culinary setting, a brine is almost always a solution of salt AND sugar, along with herbs and spices. In the ten years of brined turkeys, I've found that the optimal ratio of water:salt:sugar for a brine for poultry (in ounces) is :128:4:2. So that would be one gallon of water, one cup of salt, and one half cup of sugar. Using plain water is a waste though when you can substitute other liquids to introduce interesting flavors to your turkey. You can play it safe and use vegetable stock, go crazy and double up and use a stock that's the same as the meat (Ie turkey stock w/ turkey), or you can use a liquid that will compliment your meat and enhance it's flavor, juice. Apple juice/cider is a great liquid to use for turkey/pork brine. You can actually find an existing brine recipe (or use mine) and just add apple juice concentrate on top of whatever liquid you'd use.
Here's an example recipe that I've used for a brine in the past:
Apple Herb Brine
(note this recipe is for a large turkey, and should make enough brine to cover one as such. reduce the recipe if you're doing anything other than a turkey)
1 gallon of apple juice(you can skip the water and use all apple juice, but lower the sugar by 1/2 cup)
1 gallon of water
2 gallon pitchers of ice
2 cups salt
1 cup brown sugar
20 black peppercorns
one cinnamon stick
sprig of thyme
sprig of rosemary
two-three leaves of sage
two apples, quartered
Peel of one orange
Bring water/juice to a light boil. Take off heat, and stir salt, sugar, and dried spices until salt/sugar are completely dissolved. Let cool for a half hour, and then add the remaining herbs, apples, and orange peel. Add the ice and stir the brine solution until it cooled all the way through. You should have ice floating around if you've done this right.
Take your meat and submerge in the brine for one half hour per pound of meat. For turkey, I recommend doing this overnight, and this recipe is specifically for a large turkey. For a pork roast, I'd suggest half the amount since nothing is nearly that large.
Once your ready to cook your meat, take the meat out of the brine and roast as usual. You'll find that makes a huge difference. As to cooking methods, well, that's a whole different story.
I could get into a whole debate involving cooking methods, but I'd rather talk about a solution to that problem. That solution to our problem with dry meat is a brine. Brining is a process somewhere in between marinating, and curing/preserving.
Brining makes meat moister primarily by introducing water into the cells of the muscle tissue. The brine surrounding the meat has a higher concentration of salt than the fluid within the cells of the meat, while the meat has a higher level of other solutes. The salt in the brine defuses into the cell of the meat, while the solutes inside can not escape due the cell membrane. Increased salinity in the meat forces the cells to absorb more water via osmosis. Once the meat and brine have reached a state of equilibrium, whatever else is in the brine can freely enter into the meat, introducing flavour where you couldn't otherwise. In addition, the salt (and whatever acids you may add to your brine) denature the protein, which tenderizes the meat, and allows the meat to retain more moisture. The denaturing process coagulates the proteins, forming a matrix that traps water (and flavour!) inside of the meat.
On the most basic level, a brine is obviously just salt water. In the culinary setting, a brine is almost always a solution of salt AND sugar, along with herbs and spices. In the ten years of brined turkeys, I've found that the optimal ratio of water:salt:sugar for a brine for poultry (in ounces) is :128:4:2. So that would be one gallon of water, one cup of salt, and one half cup of sugar. Using plain water is a waste though when you can substitute other liquids to introduce interesting flavors to your turkey. You can play it safe and use vegetable stock, go crazy and double up and use a stock that's the same as the meat (Ie turkey stock w/ turkey), or you can use a liquid that will compliment your meat and enhance it's flavor, juice. Apple juice/cider is a great liquid to use for turkey/pork brine. You can actually find an existing brine recipe (or use mine) and just add apple juice concentrate on top of whatever liquid you'd use.
Here's an example recipe that I've used for a brine in the past:
Apple Herb Brine
(note this recipe is for a large turkey, and should make enough brine to cover one as such. reduce the recipe if you're doing anything other than a turkey)
1 gallon of apple juice(you can skip the water and use all apple juice, but lower the sugar by 1/2 cup)
1 gallon of water
2 gallon pitchers of ice
2 cups salt
1 cup brown sugar
20 black peppercorns
one cinnamon stick
sprig of thyme
sprig of rosemary
two-three leaves of sage
two apples, quartered
Peel of one orange
Bring water/juice to a light boil. Take off heat, and stir salt, sugar, and dried spices until salt/sugar are completely dissolved. Let cool for a half hour, and then add the remaining herbs, apples, and orange peel. Add the ice and stir the brine solution until it cooled all the way through. You should have ice floating around if you've done this right.
Take your meat and submerge in the brine for one half hour per pound of meat. For turkey, I recommend doing this overnight, and this recipe is specifically for a large turkey. For a pork roast, I'd suggest half the amount since nothing is nearly that large.
Once your ready to cook your meat, take the meat out of the brine and roast as usual. You'll find that makes a huge difference. As to cooking methods, well, that's a whole different story.
Finally Moving
I've spent long enough time wasted trying to perfect my writing on this trying to get the whole turkey deal done, so I'm going to break this down into segments and spend more time instead on each part. For some reason, that seems counter-intuitive, but eh, it'll work for me.
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